Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Sleeping arrangements

South Indian nursery in an embroidery center (c) http://atelier-indra.fr/

I just came across this lovely picture of a South Indian nursery and I wish I'd seeen it 3 years ago.

You see, sleeping arrangements have been a subject of wonder and astonishment for both our families from the start of our relationship. In hubby's family, everyone sleeps in the same room, on the floor. This is a widespread situation in India in certain social groups. I remember vividly the first time I slept between my future MIL and future husband, I had been given an extra-pillow since I was a guest, but that was a terrible night. And so when hubby came to France for the first time, he assumed we would all be in the same room, him, my kids and myself. Meanwhile the kids kept asking where he would be sleeping, and I had to tell them he would be in my bedroom - with no more details. It ain't easy to explain to kids they're going to have a step-dad !

When I was pregnant with baby T, I tried to get hubby involved in baby stuff. What bed should we buy ? Hubby suggested to hang a sari from the ceiling and I flipped out. I searched internet and saw tutos of Asian guys in the USA building their baby's cribs. It didn't reassure me. I suggested a classic European bed and hubby got upset because he didn't want his child to be behind bars (funnily enough an American colleague told me the exact same thing about his baby), and what's more he claimed swings were good to calm down babies and help them digest. I did some research and found this was something that was accepted in the west. I quite fancied being a Natraj bed, since an antique Indian bed would be expensive and very difficult to find.

Antique Indian craddle. Isn't it sweet ?
A modern Indian craddle, made in China of course.

In the end, we settled for a UK made hammock for the first months, although I was a little bit worried because in France we have many safety rules and parents are told not to use hammocks for small babies, except for small naps under constant adult supervision. (I also found out at the time that the bed I used for my first two kids is now deemed to be dangerous because you could lower one side and now they think babies may trap their fingers in the mecanism !).

The hammock we chose (picture from the builder)



A few months later I installed a classical western bed with bars... but guess what hubby finally got his way after the baby had a bad cold ; we are now co-sleeping !










Sunday, June 26, 2016

A multicultural family

An extroardinary woman and her dog outside a Shakti temple



Last september I enrolled in Indian studies at university. As I quit my job to take care of the baby, I figured it would be good to spare a few hours per week to learn tamil language properly. After all we have a plan to relocate to Tamil Nadu within the next few years, and I think it is really important for our daughter to be bilingual.

In this aspect my plan worked out quite well as it encouraged my husband to speak tamil to his child. In the first months I was scared as she didn't talk at all. But now, at 27 months old, she knows many French words and a handful of Tamil words ; Appa (daddy), va (come), Akka (elder sister), Aya (grand-ma), yanei (elephant)... And she understands a lot. She probably knows more tamil than me already.

Tamil lessons have been really really hard for me. But I did really well in civilisation lessons. Then I somewhat lost interest in windian blogs. I realized that on my first trip to South India, I had very good intuitions but it took me 8 years to understand what they meant. Understanding India requires a lot of patience and dedication. Understanding comes in layers.

https://textontextiles.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/madurai-sari.jpg
Madurai sari (c) https://textontextiles.wordpress.com/tag/saree/
For instance, I left looking for monkeys, the colour red and shamans, but it was only this year I learnt about village gods vs forest gods in hinduism, and understood Tamil Nadu was a big centre for red dyes with Madurai being a religious centre as well as a centre for a special red tint. As for "shamans" they are everywhere, but since they are usually low-caste or untouchables, it's not so easy to meet them.

In turn it made me reflect on my identity and my family's identity. We are multicultural but what does it mean ? I don't go around in Indian clothes, I don't have a thali or a pothu.... This is the kind of multicultural people we are, mixing smelly cheese and pickes, kilos of rice and huge packets of strong tea... Nothing fancy or exotic. A down-to-earth, day to day balancing of various influences, tastes and yearnings.





Monday, January 4, 2016

The first time I wore a sari in India

Usually, I don't feel comfortable wearing a sari, so I don't. It makes me feel self-counscious and I am always afraid some disaster will happen while I'm wearing it. I did after all manage to tear a salwar kamiz on the way to the family temple, angering my MIL and having lots of strangers laugh a my face... until someone finally told me there was a slight problem... so imagine what could happen with a sari !

But last time we went to India, I took my plain cotton handloom sari with me, and I was overjoyed to find a matching stretchy blouse to go with it. Nodoby can tear a stretchy blouse, right ? I wanted to dress up for the family. As it happened we were there for an important family wedding and nobody took special interest in me (apart from telling me off for things my husband did or didn't do, and asking me to bless the bride and groom once the marriage hall was almost empty).... For the wedding I wore two salwar outfits I'd bought in France.

Then we went on a trip and I used the sari as a blanket for the baby in the car. Suddenly hubby decides to stop in Trichy. Usually foreigners are not allowed to see the god in that temple, but someone told hubby if I wore a saree and jasmin flowers and looked hindu, then they may let me in. So I had to struggle alone in the bathroom to wrap myself in a blanket-sari while hubby and his nephew were doing something... What an ordeal. But it gave me the right to queue 3 hours to have a glimpse of the god and give him lotus flowers and tulsi (and then have the tulsi shoved back in my face by a grudging priest)...

Anyways. Hubby took pictures of me outside the temple. My MIL said I had a village sari but she liked my stretchy blouse. My Tamil girlfriends later told me I wrapped the sari in grandmother style. No wonder they let me in as a local in the temple lol... and our last day in India, my MIL gave me a gorgeous purple sari.

Then recently someone told me in India if a woman doesn't look her best, people think she is unhappy in marriage. Oh dear.