What does your wedding say about you

There was a piece in the Hindu monday entitled "Forget-me-Knots" describing "second generation Indian-American weddings".

When I read blogs of other western women married to Indian men, most of the time there are colourful descriptions of the wedding and beautiful pictures of the bride looking gorgeous in a sari and the groom in an embroidered suit.

When we decided to live together, hubby was living in India and I was in Europe. My main preoccupation was figuring out if I could relocate to India or not. With two teenage kids from a previous marriage, it was going to be difficult. Everybody around me was insisting on negative issues, especially people who'd never set foot in India. I discovered unknown aspects of family, colleagues and friends. People I had always seen as open minded and sophisticated blurted out xenophobic comments. In the end it was my gynecologist who convinced me, saying "don't fling it all and traumatize your kids for a sexual pulsion". That was not exactly romantic, but I figured she knew what she was talking about.

So the next step was taking hubby to Europe. I started researching immigration rules, and found out it was going to be a tough journey. I read many stories of people getting married abroad and then the wedding transcription in French law taking months, preventing the spouse to ask for a visa. That's why we decided to get married in France. Our goal was to live together, not to get married.

We ended up having a simple registrar wedding at the town council, the white bride in a simple beige wollen dress and the black groom in a chocolate cotton suit. We exchanged gold rings and a kiss in front of a dozen people, and went on to a nextdoor bar for champagne and light snacks. Hubby was slightly upset, as I'd tried to choose an auspicious Hindu day, but it was a Friday, he is vegetarian on Fridays, and he believes everything you start on that day you will do again. Then we left for a honeymoon in the country where the hills are alive with the sound of music, and hubby was jealous of SRK - but that's another story. (I managed to book a Yash Raj enchanted journey honeymoon trip, on famous film locations !)

Sometimes I wish we had done a traditional wedding in India, but I don't think I could have coped. This was the wedding of a secular, shy and austere couple.

A list

So hubby left for India one week ago.

Baby is 4 months old.

I understand it was difficult for hubby, as he wished to spend more time with his Indian family, his mother is getting old, but at the same time he wanted to saty with the baby as long as possible. I couldn't go before August as I have children from a previous relationship and need to take care of various family issues.

Before he left, he wrote a very long list in Tamil, saying I need to ask these questions to his relatives and friends when I arrived in India. I know I should make efforts to learn Tamil. I used to be very good at languages, but Tamil is not sticking to my mind. Alarmed, I reminded him lots of people told me about him when we started going out together. I remember these Indian guys so excited about our story telling me "this guy is a good guy you know" as if I should trust unknown guys. So sweet really.

Once again, I was at a loss. So I used Google translate. Of course, these translating robots are annoying, rather like the Pythia of Delphes. But still, I sat there transfixed. Hubby spends hours writing on internet, and more hours reading the French dictionnary, ocasionnally using words that no one uses apart from scholars and poets. The questions were turned in a very poetic way, asking does he look at other faces etc... Once again I realized there is a huge communication gap between us and wondering can I ever understand the Tamil way of thinking, and his. Fortunately I understood one item : "I eat very badly". Food has been a bone of contention between us for a very long time. Not wanting to be caught in a sentimental moment, I told him sternly "yes dear, I told you before you eat very badly". He laughed. Phew.

Just an ordinary day

Charlie Chaplin battling with a tiger rug in One A.M. (1916)

She : -"Honey, I think we should buy a sheep skin for the baby's pram. It is warm in the winter and cool and the summer and very good for baby's nerves. I saw some people in the park who had one, it is very fashionable !..."

Him : - "Sheep skin ? Why not tiger skin ?"

O_o